The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
