Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
