M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Randomize
