I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
