I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
