while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
