Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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