The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
