New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
