I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
