just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
