My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
