i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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