sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
