So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So many bounce houses so little time
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
