I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
