just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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