There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
