I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
