My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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