just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
