We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
