You made me cry and you don't even care
I wish my penis had an off switch
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
