Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
