More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
