I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
