Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
