Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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