I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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