So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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