I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
