i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
