Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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