i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
