Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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