if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
