My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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