Define "chronic" masturbator.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
