morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
