You're my little dorito
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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