so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
