just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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