My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
