I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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