U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
