Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
