Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
