I just threw up on my dentist
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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