That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
