Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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