Old men and throwing up are my life now.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know đ
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now sheâs a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. âHigh maintenance hotâ doesnât even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
