i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
