...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
