I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
