who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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