You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
