What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
