He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
