party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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