does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
