Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
