I want to make a zoo with you.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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