My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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