It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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