I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect