I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin