Just cropdusted the office
either way he was missing a nipple.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.