well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it