the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked