I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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