Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
