Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
