i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
