My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
