What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
