The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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