I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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