I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When are your genitals available?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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