Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
someone owes me an orgasm
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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