The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Watching her eat just hurts me
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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