im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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