Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
