just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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